I had no intention of adding to my WebJournal tonight, but listening to the words of Joseph Arthur’s “In the Sun”, I felt inspired.
WIP moment #8:
This evening I finished writing a letter that I had begun over 2 weeks ago! Now, this was no masterpiece of conversational literature. My words were not carefully chosen, neither was my subject matter, and the letter itself was of no great merit or length. I simply had not, since beginning to write it, set aside time to complete the letter. It did feel great to finally sign it off though, like sealing one small leak in a colander-style dam. The problem with my life right now, and thank God this is the extent of my problems, is that, like the song says, I’m getting caught in between all I wish for and all I need. I had started the letter, and I needed to complete it, yet I allowed myself to get distracted for 2 whole weeks before it was finally done. This problem is pervasive throughout so many aspects of my Summer, both caused by time’s ephemeral nature, and by the inability of an idealised, perfect world and the real world to co-exist. In relation to the time quandary, we, as WIPers, balance trying to learn as much as possible from the incredibly prestigious internships afforded us, solidifying the friendships that more and more clearly reveal themselves as lifelong, interacting in an arena of thought and discussion centred on the future of our lands, displaying even just a fraction of the appreciation we feel for the generosity shown to us by our host families, getting enough sleep so that we can function properly and healthily, and on top of all of that, staying sane! With so much going on, I guess it is understandable that a simple letter may be overlooked, and let’s be honest, there’s little harm in that. However, what I do find more concerning is that, more and more often, I do find myself getting caught in between the ideological and the real, especially when it comes to my fellow WIPers in the Class of 2008. I am often astounded by, and, to be honest, jealous of, the attributes they bring to the table, whether that be their faith (religious or otherwise), their focus, their energy and their self-understanding. I tell myself I will adopt an attitude like theirs, I will have more faith. But then the real world deals another blow that makes me ask, how can you still have faith? I tell myself I will be more focused. I will set myself a goal, and achieve it. But then some other shiny attraction comes along and once again, my attention is scuppered. I tell myself I will be more energetic, more pro-active, I will make things happen. But then tiredness, or disillusionment sets in, and I succumb to stupor. I tell myself I am going to learn one thing about myself everyday. But as I lie in bed at night, I find myself asking more and more questions. The things I thought I knew, the things I thought were absolute, are all of a sudden uncertain. In the search for an answer, all I seem to be doing is uncovering more questions. And all the while, the ideological in which I’d love to live my life, is growing in distance. This program offers its participants so many opportunities and unrivalled learning possibilities, but maybe the truth really is that, the more you learn, the more you realise how much you still don’t know. To finish with some words from the song that started me off;
“If I find my way, how much will I find?”
